The Homeless, poor and those without health care are
organizing to leave the USA and return by sneaking across the border in hopes
that immigration supporters and other humanitarians will lavish attention and
care on them. “We may need a false flag attack, like bombing a tent city and
killing some of us to better assure that we‘ll be treated like the Muslims we
murder whose next of kin are welcomed with open arms by their murderers” said a
spokesperson who refused to identify himself in fear that he might not be
allowed back into the country of his birth if it was known that he was a gender
specific person who hadn’t eaten in 24 hours or bathed in 24 days. “Maybe if we
can return this way we’ll be treated better, maybe not as well as dogs or cats
but at least with a chance to get what social services remain, the way
immigrants can.”
Those living individual lifestyles without social content
threaten March on Washington after Costco ran out of bagels. “This is an
outrage which has happened before and we will not tolerate it again,” said chairperson
P.P. Dickie of the Committee To Serve Spoiled Brats The Way Their Screwed Up
Parents Did. “It’s time for personal lifestyles which demand bagels when we
need them to stand up and be counted. We may march on Washington!”
Stocks soar and bonds boom as American marketplace enjoys
meteoric rise from moral cesspool to moral toilet. “We’ve not seen anything
this big since Cancer pharmaceuticals crossed the billion dollar mark in 2015”
said Goldman-Citi-Venture-Capital ethicist Diego von Lipshitz. “It looks like
the best bear market until the next bull market until the next bear market
until the next bull…” At this point the Legalienate transmission broke down due
to our technicians projectile vomiting. Legalienate, even in its lower budget
Garlic division, does not use robots and only hires human nationals, paid union
wages, which we borrow from public banks.
New Washington Think-Fink tank invites contributions and
suggestions from possessors of ideas on how to enable corporadoes to make even
more money, pay even less taxes and even lower wages and raise profits even
higher without anyone noticing. Ideas must be submitted by college educated
upper middle class people of all races, creeds, sexual preferences and belief
systems acknowledging that something with a penis created the universe and who can
prove that they have not yet been convicted of a felony.
No submissions from white uneducated working class people,
please.
Trump accused of anti-semitism for putting America first,
before Israel. Trump apologizes, gives Netanyahu backrub and leads parade of
Israelis into Jerusalem with Palestinians carrying their bags and weapons.
Experts on Trump’s psychological problems very experienced
as to psycho-chronic conditions common to people with intense focus on self , having
been born during their mothers’ therapy sessions and starting their own treatments
shortly after bottle feeding. Their mothers did not have breasts. Some
speculate that their fathers did not have reproductive organs either.
“He’s clearly suffering from severe retroactive matrilineal
sexual depilatory tenaciousness which is obvious in the way he grabs
microphones, combs his hairpiece, waves arms when he speaks and makes lots of
noise in the toilet, as many observers who hang out in his toilet have told us.
He’s a very very sick man and we’re all in danger if he ever becomes president,
which luckily is impossible” said Dr Phil Empty, star of the
network-cable-nutwork TV show “You are a Friggin Nut until I say you’re cured,
which will take many visits at $400 an hour”.
Cesar Chavez posthumously indicted for racist
anti-immigration stance in his bigoted defense of his union workers against
humanitarian agribusiness’s heart-warming desire to import cheaper labor from across the border.
“Those companies were just trying to help poor foreign workers to plan for
better futures and dream of college. Profits had nothing to do with it and I
hate to say it but Chavez was a traitor to the cause of future careerists in
the government and NGO market”, said spokesperson Pato Batista of Latinos In A
Rage.
Corporate and Silicon Valley support for immigration is all
about humanitarianism and has nothing to do with what humanity gets paid for labor.
They do not import foreign help because it’s cheaper and far more profitable but
only because they love hearing workers speaking Spanish, Chinese, Swahili, and
Arabic and enjoy eating foreign junk foods in their café health
malls.
America’s Classical Economic Institute study finds rape a
cost effective form of dating. High unemployment, low savings and high debts
make dinner and a movie out of reach for some formerly affluent workers.
“Even dining at Denny’s and taking in a movie at the
Octoplex can run to more than $50” said Dr. Milton Testa de Mingia, director
of the Institute and Nobel Prize winner for his explanation that lack of
personal budgeting skills are behind the problem of homelessness in America. “A
little rough sex can still leave room for one or the other before or after, but
both dinner and a movie can be very expensive.”
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